Photo by Gar Meng Leong.
I can't tell you how many times I bought a ticket to a networking event and didn't go. I always intended to go - and put my money on the line - but on the day of, I'd chicken out. I'd come up with reasons why I didn't need to go - I had dishes to do, or I already had enough projects, or some other excuse.
By request, here are the four tips I use to force myself to network. Here are the tools you need to get there, put on a smile, and make meaningful connections with the most terrifying people of all: strangers.
By request, here are the four tips I use to force myself to network. Here are the tools you need to get there, put on a smile, and make meaningful connections with the most terrifying people of all: strangers.
Getting to the event
This is the hard part for me. I imagine it’ll be terrible and no one will like me, so I might as well stay home. When has that ever actually been true? (Never.)
So I psych myself out, instead. I tell myself I only have to get to the venue, and then I can go home. Once I get there, I say I can leave after I find a parking spot. Then I can leave after I scope out the venue. Then I can leave after I get my name tag. I can leave after I grab a Diet Coke from the bar. I can leave after I make one connection. I can leave after… And so on. Before I know it, the event is over and they’re practically asking me to leave.
Try it yourself: Baby step your way into the networking event. If you really can’t stand being there after you’re in the door with a drink in your hand, then go ahead and leave. But nine times out of 10, you’ll stay.
Pick events with activities
Speed networking is the most terrifying kind of event for me. A new person every three minutes?? There’s no way to build a relationship or get over new-person jitters in that time.
That’s why I like the networking events with a keynote speaker or other activity. You network for 30-60 minutes and then learn something about business – it’s fantastic. This also gives you built-in talking points with everyone you meet.
Prepare talking points
Not your elevator speech (though you should have that, too). Prepare small talk ideas – sports, news (no politics), a funny observation, or something else to break the ice.
The biggest excuse I hear from people who don’t want to network is that they can’t do small talk, they don’t know what to say. The reality is that small talk is more about listening than talking. Once you get them going on a funny news story, the latest football score, or some other topic, you can quickly shift into asking about their job. Then just listen! (This is the easy part.)
If they try to just pitch you and you’re not interested, shift gears and ask something like, “What do you like best about your job?” or “What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you at work?” These answers usually lead into good conversations.
Give freely
Everyone wants to gain from networking events, but you actually gain by giving. So don’t go in hoping to get a new client, make a sale, or add a Facebook fan. Instead, just be curious about others. Making one friend is much more valuable than making one client, because a friend will spread your message to everyone.
This is the hard part for me. I imagine it’ll be terrible and no one will like me, so I might as well stay home. When has that ever actually been true? (Never.)
So I psych myself out, instead. I tell myself I only have to get to the venue, and then I can go home. Once I get there, I say I can leave after I find a parking spot. Then I can leave after I scope out the venue. Then I can leave after I get my name tag. I can leave after I grab a Diet Coke from the bar. I can leave after I make one connection. I can leave after… And so on. Before I know it, the event is over and they’re practically asking me to leave.
Try it yourself: Baby step your way into the networking event. If you really can’t stand being there after you’re in the door with a drink in your hand, then go ahead and leave. But nine times out of 10, you’ll stay.
Pick events with activities
Speed networking is the most terrifying kind of event for me. A new person every three minutes?? There’s no way to build a relationship or get over new-person jitters in that time.
That’s why I like the networking events with a keynote speaker or other activity. You network for 30-60 minutes and then learn something about business – it’s fantastic. This also gives you built-in talking points with everyone you meet.
Prepare talking points
Not your elevator speech (though you should have that, too). Prepare small talk ideas – sports, news (no politics), a funny observation, or something else to break the ice.
The biggest excuse I hear from people who don’t want to network is that they can’t do small talk, they don’t know what to say. The reality is that small talk is more about listening than talking. Once you get them going on a funny news story, the latest football score, or some other topic, you can quickly shift into asking about their job. Then just listen! (This is the easy part.)
If they try to just pitch you and you’re not interested, shift gears and ask something like, “What do you like best about your job?” or “What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you at work?” These answers usually lead into good conversations.
Give freely
Everyone wants to gain from networking events, but you actually gain by giving. So don’t go in hoping to get a new client, make a sale, or add a Facebook fan. Instead, just be curious about others. Making one friend is much more valuable than making one client, because a friend will spread your message to everyone.
Tell me: what tips do you use to network through your social anxiety?
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